Pre-Production Music Video Pitch/Focus Group/Evaluation

I had created this powerpoint about my chosen song Da Poe - Girl For You, It has my brief ideas, my tweet sent to the artist, link to the song, a little bit about the artist although I couldn't find much, target audience and possible locations.

My Pitch:

My Focus Group - Feedback on the Pitch

I think the main weakness of my pitch was that It was very broad and wasn't explained in detail, I think that instead of mentioning the Rihanna and Drake video, I should have played it, turned the volume down and talked over the video, to show exactly what my ideas are. I think that on my powerpoint I could have added more text as this would allow me to speak in greater detail. I have thought of different ideas after I have given this pitch, I have thought deeper into the lyrics and have thought that I could have a narrative of the main character cheating on his girlfriend, and this would divert the music video into a more serious video, like the "N-Dubz - Playing With Fire" music video, where it has each member of the crew cheating on their partners in different locations and eventually they all get caught. 

I think that the focus group was successful as it had given me a idea of the characteristics/artist brand, as i had gained the following feedback and ideas;
(00:58 - 01:16) I had also said that the relationship status would have an effect on the "energy" of the shot, so If the relationship is going well, the shot will be calm and peaceful and when the relationship changes and gets rougher the shots will get more busy and have more people in the shot so that It is harder to place these two people together, connoting that the couple are drifting apart to the audience.
(06:10) I would like my artist to have the characteristics of Eminem who isn't afraid to make a fool out of himself in music videos, as this builds the impressions that he doesn't care what anyone else thinks, and we had also established the look of my artist would be similar to Dappy in that he would wear snapbacks backwards. To conclude the main characteristics would be an unique character, who sets their own trends and represents where their from in this instance urban working class.

Since this pitch I have thought about my idea into greater depths, such as moving away from making the music video cheesey towards a more serious meaning, that maybe some of the female members of the audience could appeal to.